oh catastrophe!

ohmygodbecky @ 2009-01-17T21:37:00

2009-01-18T02:40:01Z

so i know i am closing this thing but i would like it to be known that i am completely done with this city.i need to get the hell out of here and experience some new things.baltimore does not have anything left for me.i know some great people but the ones who really care about me would tell me to go.as for the others...well...i need to leave them behind.i feel aimless and it's been going on for too long.i have been stringing from person to person but i realize that only a few honestly care about me.add that plus the fact that baltimore utterly sucks and it all means i need to go.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-12-26T20:13:00

2008-12-27T01:22:58Z

so i am closing my livejournal.the year is ending and i have had some radical changes happen in my life this year.i decided that i don't want my life being broadcasted to everyone anymore.some people do not deserve to know what is going on with me and others i just don't want contact with.so basically those of you who want to talk to me know how to get in contact with me.if not ask for my e-mail.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-12-09T05:41:00

2008-12-09T10:42:57Z

isn't it weird how the big cosmic universe connects things?how energy from different people although they are not around you can still be a part of your life?how you can feel their energy still and have it effect you so heavily?i totally believe it in,kids.it happened to me this weekend.and OUCH.

to work.with a MASSIVE sinus problem so i found out yesterday,yikes.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-12-05T17:04:00

2008-12-05T22:39:59Z

okay SO.

well first and foremost i am having MORE car trouble.see okay my last car i had for about four months and then it was totaled in a hit and run accident by some asshole who did not have insurance.so anyhow there is something called GAP INSURANCE(the insurance that says if your car is totaled you are not responsible for paying it off,but you can only get this insurance if your car is like five or something years old anything older is not eligible) that i did not have because i have never heard of it and well...we got stuck paying off the car that i NO LONGER OWN.okay that was the beginning of the year...january actually.so i had to go out and buy a used car with basically no money and ended up with this piece of junk that i have now BUT i cannot complain about because at least i have a car.sooooo it has been not even a YEAR and my new car just got hit.and is possibly getting totaled.sigh.

here is what happened....so i was driving down this road that is a really big hill.some guy in a ford explorer lost control of his car because his brakes went out and straddled the curb all the way down and did not hit anything until he hit me.the only reason that happened was because i was sitting beside a pole and the was hit the pole or veer into the road.anyway the body damage is so much itself without even actually taking it apart they are probably going to total it.and this is ALL AFTER october first...which is HOW LONG AGO...when maryland lawmakers passed a law that if the damage exceeds 75% of the cars worth they total it.WHAT!!!why not one hundred i mean SERIOUSLY!what!that makes NOOO sense.okay so that is what i was up against...again.my car being totaled and having NO GAP INSURANCE again since my car is too old.and having to pay for THIS CAR ALSO as well as buy a new car in this crappy ass economy with NO money down.they wont sell me a car pretty much.they said on the news for a 20,000 dollar car they want 5 of 6 thousand down.psh yeah right.

okay SO SO SOOOO the other day i was driving home from my friends house in dc and it was 9 pm.i had to be at work at 4 am.driving driving and i need to get gas.i got off on exit 13 which SHOULD have been a sign but okay whatever.so i stop to get gas and my gas door is stuck shut from the accident.sigh.i pry and kick and beat and cuss at it until it comes halfway open enough that i can shove the gas nozzle in.so i get my gas and start driving back and on the way i realize my car is driving really weird.it completely does not want to go and i can't figure out why.there is a really strange loud noise coming from the back driver side of my car.drivedrivedrive and BOOM.a fucking awful loud sound and the entire car begins to shake and rumble all around.i pull over and my tire is basically sliced open.HOW!HOW!no could not have been just a nail we can patch up.noooo.it is on the side wall of my tire that it looks like someone slit it open but obviously i ran something over.so now i need a new tire on a car they might total.AWESOME!!YEAAAHH!

sooo what else?well i have been having these headaches that...man.they really last from the moment i wake up..the MOMENT...to when i fall asleep.if i am conscious i have a headache.and these is a spot on my forehead that feels like someone is driving a screwdriver in it.OUCH.this has been going on for almost a month now.a nonstop headache for almost a month.ohhmyyygoood.it sometimes really gets to me and makes me super cranky and not nice to be around.oh!and upon having a few episodes of my heart really actually feeling like it stopped....a pause and complete loss of breath and then feeling like someone slammed their fist into my chest to restart my heart...i went to the cardiologist.they think i have a arrhythmia.which is not bad at all so whew on that one.but these HEADACHES!

also casey gave me his old bike to use for work because it is much more of an equipped road bike for me to be riding back and forth to work.so that is awesome.it is really pretty and this silverish gray and i am putting kelly gear bar tape on it.WOO!still have not named it yet but in time when we hang out i shall reveal its name.

i have been starting to write more lately and it feels so so so good.i have been getting a lot of my feelings about my relationship out of me and i have so much more to write about still.i am still reeling and spinning from it all so the writing helps.also i am practicing my voice because casey wants to play some guitar chords and have me work on melody overtop them.it should be interesting if i can just get over my fear!

what else what elseeeee....work is going well.very very well.i watched the entire fifth season of the l word in one day this week haha.it was time well spent because ohhotDAMN am i in love with tina.okay now i need to get a shower and clean some.i am working on my messyness....very slowly that is.but it starts SOMEWHERE!working on getting over that and my saddepressionstuff but but but the writing helps a lot with that.as well as my amazing friends.

oh and you all should listen to this tilly and wall song.i HEART<3ITSO.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-12-04T12:57:00

2008-12-04T17:58:06Z

so i actually have a hell of a lot to write BUUUUT first i need to go to the cardiologist. sigh. NOT PLEASED ABOUT THIS but something is seriously wrong.

ZING god you keep getting me!really!awfully funnyhaha!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-11-08T11:45:00

2008-11-08T16:47:46Z

it is my birthday and i am upset because i had a dream about all the mean things you said to me about me physically.what the hell man.some of that stuff was SO mean.

i am not supposed to feel ugly on my birthday.

i am going to go out with all my friends and have a great time tonight because they are all celebrating the fact that they love me.what an awesome thought!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-11-03T16:29:00

2008-11-03T21:40:17Z

yesterday dylan,leslie,ashley and myself went to lunch and spent the evening together.it was pretty much super awesome.i saw elana's family whom i have not seen in a long time.that was nice.i made myself sick eating mary-jane candies though.it was really fun to watch dylan and ashley laughlaughlaugh at each other nonstop.my friends are the greatest.

on the same note molly told me today "i don't know how the hell i went so long without knowing you." AW!

i am actually excited for this election tomorrow.you can only keep your fingers crossed on this one that america wont fuck it up AGAIN.for reals this time america FOR REALS.don't DO IT.make the intelligentonlylogical decision.

one of my friends is in a ramones-esque type band.he said they are looking for a drummer because theirs is moving away SOSOSOSOOO if i work supersuperhard i might be able to make it.that would effin ROCK kids.ROCK!

ok i need to get ready.casey will be here soon and i am still in my work clothing.hence why this was so random and hurried.forgive me!GO LISTEN TO BLOOD RED SHOES they are AWESOME!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-31T11:34:00

2008-10-31T15:49:38Z

my birthday is coming and it will be AWE-SOME!

in other news casey and i did something SUPER fallish yesterday and felt like we were in a movie.we rode our bikes all around my neighbourhood through the small streets.the rows of houses all covered in leaves.he was pointing out the way the sunlight was shining on half of the trees.how the colors changed as the branches went closer to the trunk due to the sunlight.anyway we were in winter hats and scarves and bundled up hoodies.it was pretty much awesome.

my friend is opening up a bikeshop soon and i am taking my bike there.i am excited!she is going to look at it and decide if i should just keep the frame and ditch the rest of it or trade it in for a new bike.either way she is going to help me out with it all.she said so far it seems like i should just keep the frame and we can maybe hook it up some but if the speeds are jacked just get rid of it.if i do trade or ditch it they will give me money towards a new frame from them so that is good.so we will see.but FUN!

aaaaaaaaaand MY BIRTHDAY!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-21T13:34:00

2008-10-21T17:34:47Z

i have decided you are dead to me.
i could say a lot more.
and i will later but yeah.

dead to me.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-20T00:04:00

2008-10-20T04:21:51Z

i just got home from my show tonight.
we had fun!
amanda got to request a song and they actually played it so THIS made her night.
she also had triple margaritas on the rocks.
THAT made it interesting.

in other news i am considering buying a new car.i need it badly.more on this to come but i want a honda fit.

I WANT TO GO DO KARAOKE!THIS SONGS ROCKS!
my room is FREEEEEzing.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-18T03:59:00

2008-10-18T08:02:31Z

i just got home from the party.
the zoo was awesome.
the red panda ROCKSALLOVERYOURFACE.
the party was fun!
we danced we drank we ate baked goods
oh and we laughed a lot.

it was a good day.
even though on the ride home i was listening to rilo kiley and something about that driving in the darkness.in the stillness.in the calm surrounding you with only your thoughts reelingrolling around really can make someone emo.i just thought a lot.
anyway.
time from some bedtime cuddles sleeptime!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-16T16:12:00

2008-10-16T20:13:36Z

oh ALSO i need to figure out something to do with all these letters i never mailed or sent.i feel like they are really interesting and so much more interesting when looked at from a point of anonymity.

creative timmmeeeeeee

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-16T15:42:00

2008-10-16T20:03:47Z

so let's see what else i need to update on.

one of my good friends and i went through a really rough patch in our friendship.it all started with a disagreement over something trivial that got REALLY out of hand.we are talking screaming,crying,name calling through texts,over the phone and in person.it went on and on and the tension got sillycrazy WILD.it was terribly obviously whenever we were around each other.you could sense the thickness in the air and well...she could not really take it.i knew that something more was going on than this trivial thing.all of our mutual friends kept telling me something more was definitely happening.so after a few weeks of this happening it all hit a head.

we yelled at each other.well mostly she YELLED and i smirked in this ohemgeeseriously way.i probably seemed a little bit bitchy and she sure told me so but really if you had seen this display.she was in this pit of furious deeply resonating anger mixed with emotionemotionemotion like a fireball hurdled against a wall.everything in her path was catching her energy.except me.i let it go and what happened in the end was...well...she told me she is in love with me.she has been for a while.WHOA.and like in love with me in the i want to be with you.i want you to be my girlfriend way.DOUBLEWHOA.

i am glad we are talking.i am glad that ongoing tension she has been feeling has been relieved.she seems happier now.we will see what happens but at least when we are near each other i know what she is feeling.it helps a lot of things make sense.but in love with me?seriously?!shocking.

also a few other friends have made it known that they have feelings for me too.i want to make sure i don't hurt anyone or myself in the process.it is just day by day my friends.dayyyy by daaaay.right now i am having fun!

i am considering taking a promotion at work.it is not to be a full-timer but it is the in-between position.basically i do everything i am already doing but open my availability up to do some nights and learn the office stuff.i will be eligible for up to two dollars more each raise and my cap out amount is different as well as my title.i don't know!i am not doing anything in a directional sense with my life right now.so why not?i won't have to leave my store but it will be more responsibility.my captain is pushing me to do it.i don't knooowww.i do not have much faith in myself to take a quasi-management responsibility for some reason.but i know i am awesome!i don't understand!

i also have lately had this crazy thought about MOVING.CRAZY!oh god ME?moving?!stephanie you are something else.something else crazygonuts!and i am planning on a trip soon.mustmustmustmust go on a trip!snelson wants me to go to scotland,holly wants me to go to green bay,gwen wants me to come to michigan,carolyn says come to portland and i miss boston.

oh!oh!oh!tomorrow plumbsy and i are going to the dc zoo in the morning.we are SO uberexcited.it will be awesome.we have been planning this for a while.so we are getting breakfast in the morning,some zoo time and then going to dylan's birthday celebration.it will be an all around fun day.although cracker will be sad to have no mommy all day.i am warning and prepping her now.

ok!this is the outline for things that i can think of right now!i need FOOD.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-10-14T16:39:00

2008-10-14T21:40:21Z

allllright!

so i got a tarot reading yesterday and decided it was time to start actually writing about and remembering some of this stuff in my life.i try to sit and write stuff down all the time but cannot seem to do it.be warned-lots of run on sentences are about to happen.

the tarot reading.two cards represented the past,two the present and two the future.they influenced each other and created the basic description of said time.

the past:two of cups right side up which means basically a relationship.there was a strong bonding happening.i was with a person who knows me and whom i knew also.it is the card of lovers.this is the relationship card everyone wants.pretty self explanatory that i found real deal true love.AND!it was influenced by the hierophant card reversed which means i was in a position to learn some negative lessons.there was a teacher involved who helped me learn some lessons.this teacher was stubborn and rigid.they did things for only their own means.they were a liar and gave bad advice.

the present:the justice card right side up which means adjustment.i am at a point of maintaining an equilibrium again.a fair outcome will be the result.some wrongs will be righted and i must admit the wrongs i committed.karma is coming into play here.AND!it was influenced by the queen of cups reversed which means someone who knows me well and knows how to fix all my problems.they can be very shy or very mysterious.they have all the answers but also have a temper of all tempers.they also are emotionally high and low and can suffer from psychological problems,moodiness,depression and alcoholism.the reversal means it is a pivotal energy that cannot be ignored currently in my life.it must be addressed.there is a person who betrayed me and took much more than they gave.they are known as a deceiver.

the future:the eight of cups right side up which means the shedding of old loves,relationships and familiar things.either i am unhappy with these familiar things or i have a crazy dream rolling around in my head.i should follow that dream.this card also could infer an actual literal move to a new place.all that is lacking is my courage to let go of everything i have ever known.there are a lot of choices in front of me and one of them is very good for me.my emotions are strong though.AND!it was influenced by the star card reversed which means some change will happen but slowly.i need to find and push myself towards whatever this future is but it is awaiting me.the reversal means that although the future is not written in stone the star card influence is more difficult for me to achieve.i am feeling hopeless about things before me.a clarity will be coming for me and help to reach it but i need to move away from my rigid current ideas to find and accept all these things.also some sort of trust issue is in play here.i cannot let my daydreaming and disappointment of the world get in the way.

whoa.seriously this blew my mind.it made a lot of sense and well the future sounds pretty positive.i am feeling good about this.god it seriously blew my mind.

more later but i had to remember all this.HAD TO.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-08-04T14:29:00

2008-08-04T18:33:51Z

all in all things have been swell lately.
i think i am going to take a trip perhaps so that will be fun!i have not traveled to see a band in a long time!that will be good if it all works out.
my car stalled out at a red light on my way home today and that is very not cool.i am not pleased about this car stuff!butttt i suppose it has to be dealt with.BRAGH!
i have this creepy obsessive friend that is really weirding me out.friendships should not be scary or obsessive!and you so are NOT in love with me,girl.more about that later when i have more time.i just wanted to sort some of my thoughts out right now.

i feel like a really different person lately.it is weird!but it is good.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-08-02T20:10:00

2008-08-03T00:15:02Z

i have typed and deleted this post seven times already.

seriously.

so much to say but i just can't.i just can't.because it doesn't matter.
at least i have awesome people keeping me happy.
but i still miss laughing that way.among other things my head still thinks about.
but it is all about time,right?
i am sorry for the things i did wrong but i just didn't think it was worth giving up over.
i was just reading my journal from when i was nineteen and reliving some of the memories from that time.it is a weird feeling.but seriously!just end it like that!all of that gone so quickly?one quick swoop and BAMGOODBYE!no way.

in other news i have a hella expensive phone bill and need to put my car in the shop.SUCKS.SUCCKKKSSS.whatever though.i have been having fun.lots of keeping busy and doing things.this is good.the other night me and six people went out to the bar and one of us,NOT ME,wet themself.that was AWESOME!so five of us went home nice and dry.and that is a pretty good ratio of wet to dry people.AND im getting my hair cut!WOO!buuuuut that still makes me nervous.you neverrrr know if it will look good.but i sent molly to my hairdresser and she looked dashing.so now it is MY turn to get sexy!maybe i should let it get a litttttle bit longer.

NO MORE OF THE BORING GIRLYNESShairtalk.THE END!

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-07-29T23:22:00

2008-07-30T03:26:31Z

i know we had problems.i know things were wrong.but really i did NOT think we were going to break up over it.i had no idea.NONE.if i had even an inkling of that i would of handled things differently.i wish i had know it was so make or break.there was SO much good in my opinion.so so so much.i wanted this to last and stay and work and i wanted to work for it.you were my girl.i just had no idea you might go for good.you would say goodbye.i never saw this coming.

fuck.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-07-28T23:58:00

2008-07-29T03:20:03Z

today i danced my ASS off to "dancing with myself" at work and then followed it up with beginning a dance party with five other people which was AWESOME.that is the way to do it folks.it was a total workout.but work was good for me.i am lucky to be able to say that.

also in other news i still am at that angry/hurt/love stage.i am still working on the name of this feeling.EMO.and dude WHY!WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYTHIS!WHYWHY.all i can do is shake my head about this all.still in disbelief.seriously.i won't ever laugh the same again.how can you be a mix of so angry and hurt and yet so sad and missing so much?i have so many more questions.i need them answered.i need to know so many things and need closure on so many things.it just can't be the end like that.one quick swift goodbye.i don't think so.we were so much more than a one and a half hour conversation.at least to me.all i wanted was to just give it a try.oh how badly!i just can't give up like that.but i guess i can't make anyone stay so thus i must find a way to give up.justwantedtotry.lovemuchtoomuch.

anyyyyyyyyyyyyway,back to work at six so i am off to relax now.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-07-28T02:50:00

2008-07-28T04:54:55Z

i totally fucking wish i did not work at 2pm tomorrow.why tomorrow of ALL days.fuck.

sleepsleepsleepsleepsleep.

lots of songs in my head.
lots of song lyrics because i can't think outside of that.
my nose is too stuffy and my eyes burn too much and i need to calm down.stoptheshake.

sleepsleepsleepsleep.
can't sleep.

i am going to return to my song lyrics.
i just can't stand my own thoughts right now.
i want it to go down on record that i still love you.
even though this hurtshurtshurtshurtsacheshurtsstings
i still love you so fucking much.

there is such a mix of anger and love and pain.
i don't even know what the name of this emotion is.
from one to the next is very tiring.
if you were trying to hurt me you did
and that is only because i truly and honestly love you.
i let you in deep enough and far enough to have that power.
but i wouldn't have it any other way.
i can't just smackslam face into the wall out of love.

i will always wonder.
ouch.

now back to trying to sleep.

ohmygodbecky @ 2008-07-03T16:43:00

2008-07-03T20:44:57Z

aaand actually i want a NEW journal.i want to start all over again because my life is new and so so different from who i was when i left this journal.i don't know.we shall see.

decisions deeeecisions.

now!off to play DRUMS and then go shopping with my love.we are going to have a bitchin fourth of july my friends.INYOFACESOBITCHINBITCH kinda time.ya know what i mean?

IM BACK YO

2008-07-03T20:38:09Z

so i updated 90 weeks ago.how long ago is that anyway?i can't possibly figure out math like that!but the point is that i am going to TRY to start writing in this thing again.it is nice to go back and be able to remember times and things that are happening.so some MAJOR updates since my last post by GOD major i say!

-i am moved out in my own apartment with a roommate and a cat named cracker
-i am finally girlfriends with the love of my life sarah
-i had one car...it got totaled in a hit and run and now i am on another piece of junk
-i am learning drums
annnnd i still work at trader joe's

this is all i can think of right now.BUT!stay tuned my friends stay T-U-N-E-D for i will go into more depth,more detail and more excitement! AHA!

ohmygodbecky @ 2006-10-09T11:08:00

2006-10-09T15:08:55Z

livejournal just isn't fun anymore.i like reading my friends page but posting?eh.i am super-de-duper extra introverted now.it blows really but whattaya gonna do.

oh my god

2006-07-02T18:36:32Z

am i crazy or am i a huge fan?i just paid 748 dollars to fly out to portland for the last kinney show.oh my god.i feel like they should give me something.like play a song i want to hear!or hug me!or SOMETHING.I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WILL PAY 748 dollars for just a PLANE TICKET for these girls!WHY DID THEY BREAK UP NOW?people are traveling!it is AUGUST for godsakes which uhh aka vacation time!oh man.when i think of how much i spent i get a sick feeling to my stomach but it is for the kinney sooo it is worth it.as i was checking flights they were seriously like gaining hundreds of dollars more in price.i was trying to get the same flights for my girlfriend and i but maaaan.IMPOSSIBLE.fucking hell.

surveyyyy!

2006-06-19T01:50:18Z

STOLEN!from kirieflowergirl.ZOINKS!

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) Tag five LJ friends.

-I miss somebody right now.
-I don't watch much TV these days.
-I own a lot of books.
-I wear glasses or contact lenses.
-I love to play video games.
-I've tried marijuana
-I've watched porn movies.
-I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
-I believe honesty is usually always the best policy.
-I curse sometimes. As opposed to constantly.
-I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
-I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
-I have broken someone's bones.
-I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
-I hate the rain.
-I'm paranoid at times.
-I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
-I need/want money right now.
-I love sushi.
-I talk really, really fast sometimes.
-I have fresh breath in the morning.
-I have long hair.
-I have lost money in Las Vegas.
-I have at least one sibling.
-I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
-I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
-I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
-I like the way that I look.
-I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
-I am usually pessimistic.
-I have a lot of mood swings.
-I think prostitution should be legalized to protect the women as much as possible through regulation.
-I have slept with a roommate.
-I have a hidden talent.
-I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
-I have a lot of friends.
-I have pecked someone of the same sex.
-I enjoy talking on the phone.
-I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
-I love to shop and/or window shop.
-I'm obsessed with my Xanga or LiveJournal.
-I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
-I have a mobile phone.
-I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
-I've rejected someone before.
-I currently like/love someone.
-I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
-I want to have children in the future.
-I have changed a diaper before.
-I am shy around the opposite sex.
-I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
-I have at least 5 away messages saved.
-I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
-I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
-I own the "South Park" movie.
-I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or LiveJournal.
-I enjoy some country music.
-I would die for my best friends.
-I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
-I have used sexuality to advance my career.
-Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
-I have dated a close friends ex.
-I am happy at the moment.
-I'm obsessed with guys.
-Democrat.
-Republican.
-I am punk rockish.
-I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
-I study for tests most of the time.
-I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
-I can work on a car.
-I love my job(s).
-I am comfortable with who I am right now.
-I have more than just my ears pierced.
-I walk barefoot wherever I can.
-I have jumped off a bridge.
-I love sea turtles.
-I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
-I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
-I am proficient(ish) on a musical instrument.
-I hate office jobs.
-I went to college out of state.
-I am adopted.
-I am a pyro.
-I have thrown up from crying too much.
-I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
-I fall for the worst people.
-I adore bright colors.
-I usually like covers better than originals.
-I hate chain theme resturants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
-I can pick up things with my toes.
-I can't whistle.
-I have ridden/owned a horse.
-I still have every journal I've ever written in.
-I talk in my sleep.
-I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
-I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
-I wear a toe ring.
-I have a tattoo.
-I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
-I am a caffeine junkie.
-I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
-If I knew I could get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
-I will collect anything, the more nonsensical, the better.
-I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
-I am an artist.
-I am ambidextrous.
-I sometimes sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
-If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
-I have terrible teeth.
-I hate my toes.
-I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
-I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
-I have lived in either three different states or countries.
-I am extremely flexible.
-I love hugs more than kisses.
-I want to own my own business.
-I smoke.
-I spend way too much time on the computer.
-Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
-Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.
-I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
-I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
-I don't like it when people are displeased or seem displeased with me.
-I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
-I have played strip poker with someone else before.
-I have emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
-I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
-I can't stand being alone.
-I have at least one obsession at any given time.
-I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
-I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
-I am a judgmental asshole.
-I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
-I have traveled on more than one continent.
-Sometimes I wish my father would just disappear.
-I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
-I am a Libertarian.
-I can speak more than one language.
-I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
-I would rather read than watch TV.
-I like reading fact more than fiction.
-I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
-I have no piercings.
-I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
-I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
-I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.
-I've been married and am now divorced.
-There have been times where I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.
-I like animals better than most people.
-I own a collection of retro games consoles.
-The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.
-I have hit someone with a dead fish.
-I am compulsively honest.
-I was born with a congenital birth defect that had never been repaired.
-I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
-I have gone from wishing I were a boy to reveling in being a girl to feeling like a boy again in a span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.
-I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.
-I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
-I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
-I dislike milk.
-I obsessively wash my hands....i have ocd and i did that when i was little with comet cleaner until they were bright red and painful.
-I always carry something significant around with me.
-Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.
-I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
-Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.
-I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.
-I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
-I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.
-Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.
-I am a virgin.
-I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
-I do not 'get' most comedy acts.
-I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.
-I don't like to chew gum.
-I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.
-I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.
-Had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
-Wishes people would be more empathetic and honest with each other.
-I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.
-I love to sing.
-I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.
-I have a custom-built computer.
-I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a %0 possibility of ever achieving it.
-I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.
-I've gone skinny-dipping.
-I've preformed in three plays, all of them Shakespeare.
-I enjoy burritos.
-I'm (a bit) Irish and lovin' it.
-I have a thing for redheads.
-I am a twin!
-Most times I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.
-Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
-I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.
-I wish I could do high school all over again.
-I adore having my back scratched more than having back massages.
-I will suffer stress physically before I do mentally.
-I can currently fit into clothing that I wore when I was in high school.
-I have high expectations of myself.
-I don't like to go out anymore- to one place in particular!
-I don't want to be here.
-I wish I could be a tiger. But only if a certain someone was a tiger with me.
-I wish I could believe people when they say good things about me.
-I bite my nails.
-I think some concerts are better than sex.
-When I am upset with myself I punish myself somehow for what I have done.

oh lord i am posting!

2006-06-15T14:45:08Z

oh my god people i am actually POSTING!hhoodly-hoo!it has to be short for i work soon.actually i work at 12:30 but i am going in at 12 so i can milk every half hour from them.they are cutting hours like crazy madness sooooo MILK IT I WILL.i figure half an hour every day will add up!how pathetic.i don't WANT to leave work.it's very sad.i am twenty and already sucked in.i have this problem when i get my mind locked on a task i neeeeedddd to finish it.but i am off friday and sunday and that RULES MY FACE OFF.

in other news i am sicky.the doctor diagnosed me with sinusitis and gave me medication.she said if the medicine makes me sicker then i have mono.MONO!but i don't think i do.you get like allkindsa sick with that yes?like ehhhh i am going to die fatigued and fevers off the wall?i am just stuffy and coughing and like everyone.but MONO!psssh.i told holly that she gave me mono.it was funny because she got stressed at such a thought.it was funny.but medicine is good!feeling good is....great!

i am actually going to update now because i am missing some people on here.raz if you read this i had a dream about you!a DREAM!and you were taking a roadtrip with me.we were driving up and down the east coast and making a zine to review restaurants and their bathrooms.it was sooo cool.and i miss you!I DO!how the HELL are you!RAZ WHY DID YOU LEAVE MY LIFFFEEEE?and there is a doctor on er who reminds me of you.and it makes me feel safe and cuddly.

i just washed my hair with strawberry shampoo but my fingers smell like a floral perfume....ewwww....and i just found out trader joe's uses bugs to dye their strawberry soymilk red.WTF!BUGS PEOPLE BUGS!nooottt on the laabbbeeeell i will tell you that.geeezzzz.oh well it still tastes like heaven.

okay kiddos i need to be getting myself prepared for work.BUT!i miss people!MICHELLE!BRITTANY!RAZ!CRYS!OTIS!OOOHHHH!i read all the posts from you ladies and i always sigh.i feel like the uncool kid in school who wants to be friends with all of you ladies but i cannot find the words.i stutter and shake and put my head down and make lame stupid jokes like i do when a cute girl is around.but the difference here is that I KNOW YOU PEOPLE!you all make me nervous i have been away for so long.sigh.